Image: Annie Spratt
“A parent’s job is not teaching a child how the world is, but showing them how it should be.”
— Suits, the TV show, I think.
Profound, right?
I thought so too until I started to really unpack what that means.
For one, who decides how the world should be? According to history, it’s those with a superior something, and it’s usually not morals. Before the information age, it was whoever controlled the firepower, now it’s whoever controls the narrative—a far more powerful weapon.
Then, there is consensus. Getting everyone to buy into an image of what the world should be is pretty near impossible. We can’t even agree on what history looks like—and that’s something that’s meant to be factual. Most people aren’t sure what the world should look like nor have many given it some reasonable degree of thought.
Sure, anyone can say “world peace” or “closing the gap between the rich and the poor” or a bunch of other meaningless platitudes, but what does any of that actually mean?
Whose beliefs are voided so that the world can be at peace? Whose hard work is voided so the world can be equal? Both antagonism between belief systems, and antagonism between ideas of contribution, have been critical in our progression. Because we have progressed. A lot. The dark ages were dark for a reason.
Even if we manage to secure some sort of a majority consensus, just like a democracy, there are always going to be those that are not happy.
But say, hypothetically, we could get a 100% of the world to buy into a dream, getting them to buy into the work that is needed to get that dream is near impossible. Most people aren’t even willing to put effort into keeping themselves healthy, let alone the years of work to get our world to a place where it meets even one of the many superficial ideals.
On the other extreme, there is showing them an unadulterated view of how the world is. That winning matters (at least some of the time), that no one owes anyone anything, that sometimes people get away with cheating, that justice isn’t always served, that facts don’t always matter, and so on. That life is usually unfair. But, for heaven’s sake, how depressing is that? It’s true. Every single thing I listed is true. But is it what we should be teaching our children? I say no.
So what, then, does one teach a child?
I think it’s important to expose them to a real image of the world and how it works. I think that over-protecting children is not preparing them for a world without parents. Participation trophies are not going to help create a valuable contributor to society, whatever your definition of value.
But I also think that it’s important to teach them that they can change things. To give them the tools that they need to progress both personally and professionally, whatever progression means to them.
I think that showing them how the world is and letting them figure out how it should be are not mutually exclusive. That a parents job is preparing a child for the world as it is, but teaching them that things can change for the better.
And that they can decide what better means.
This is a newsletter for the curious.
Subscribe. Or don’t.